Monday, March 30, 2009

Rap Crap

Joaquin Phoenix - now officially Hollywood's Most Interesting Celebrity!

There's more trouble for rogue hip hopper Joaquin Phoenix. Director of Phoenix's last film Two Lovers, James Gray, is hip hopping mad! Two Lovers, which co stared Gwyneth Paltrow, has only made $1.63 million after 5 weeks of limited release. The movie has gotten critical acclaim, and picked a Gold Palm nomination at Cannes, but you can't eat prestige. Considering that the film had an A List cast, the returns are an extreme failure.

So some one's got to be to blame. Gray has a pretty clear idea of who's fault it is too. he blames original gangsta Joaquin. The director wasn't impressed with Phoenix's David Letterman appearance, for one thing. JP showed up to hype the film on  Latenight looking like he'd spent the past few hours panhandling for loose change. While Letterman took repeated pot shots, Phoenix sat there looking bewildered and getting agitated. When Phoenix was asked what the film was about he replied "I dunno, I haven't seen it". He was unable to introduce a promotional clip that Latenight had set up.

Gray has some ideas about Pheonix's recent personality change too. Rumours are that this is some kind of elaborate Andy Kaufman style hoax. The fact that Phoenix's brother in law Casey Affleck is following him around with a camera seems to confirm this. Gray doesn't know what the whole Affleck angle is, but has called him to say that it's in very poor taste (After the returns on 2 Lover's, Gray should consider himself lucky that Casey took the call). Gray also reveals that Phoenix has a full recording studio in his house. "If it's a hoax then it's an elaborate one," Gray says, and then goes on to state "but even if it's not he still needs help".

Now Gray might be a little harsh in his judgements. Phoenix's colourful late night antics may have actually peaked interest in an other wise bland film. I can imagine some people going just to  see if they can spot the exact moment when Phoenix started to crack. As for lack luster returns, no one has been interested in paying money to see Paltrow in some time. Even Gray's assessments of Phoenix's sanity might be out. Phoenix has probably had that recording studio for some time. Though rap is a recent development, his interest in music goes way back. So is Phoenix crazy, or crazy like a fox? The jury's still out on that, but I won't believe he's nuts until I hear complaints about his hygiene and body odor!

Latest Gossip = Slap Egotists

1 comment:

  1. Don't laugh! Joaquin Phoenix's hygiene and body odor may be all he has going for him.



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    Warning to Children

    Children, if you dare to think
    Of the greatness, rareness, muchness
    Fewness of this precious only
    Endless world in which you say
    You live, you think of things like this:
    Blocks of slate enclosing dappled
    Red and green, enclosing tawny
    Yellow nets, enclosing white
    And black acres of dominoes,
    Where a neat brown paper parcel
    Tempts you to untie the string.
    In the parcel a small island,
    On the island a large tree,
    On the tree a husky fruit.
    Strip the husk and pare the rind off:
    In the kernel you will see
    Blocks of slate enclosed by dappled
    Red and green, enclosed by tawny
    Yellow nets, enclosed by white
    And black acres of dominoes,
    Where the same brown paper parcel -
    Children, leave the string alone!
    For who dares undo the parcel
    Finds himself at once inside it,
    On the island, in the fruit,
    Blocks of slate about his head,
    Finds himself enclosed by dappled
    Green and red, enclosed by yellow
    Tawny nets, enclosed by black
    And white acres of dominoes,
    With the same brown paper parcel
    Still untied upon his knee.
    And, if he then should dare to think
    Of the fewness, muchness, rareness,
    Greatness of this endless only
    Precious world in which he says
    he lives - he then unties the string.

    Robert Graves

    George Orwell’s 6 Rules for Effective Writing

    1. Never use a metaphor, simile, or other figure of speech which you are used to seeing in print.

    2. Never use a long word where a short one will do.

    3. If it is possible to cut a word out, always cut it out.

    4. Never use the passive where you can use the active.

    5. Never use a foreign phrase, a scientific word, or a jargon word if you can think of an everyday English equivalent.

    6. Break any of these rules sooner than saying anything outright barbarous.

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